is your mom at the bar?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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