i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
