My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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