I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
