I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i think my cat just said my name.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
