3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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