Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's blow job season.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
