I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
