Quick, to the slutcave!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
