You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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