yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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