arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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