Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
