..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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