I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
