He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I checked into jail on foursquare
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
