forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
