So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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