you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Let's get the cat blown out
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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