took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
