You're so nebulous sometimes
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
