you mean i was at the winter classic?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
