Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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