wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
