genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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