Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
