Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
