its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
