break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
