i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
