Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
