Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
