There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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