the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
