For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
