small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
