My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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