U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
