Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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