its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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