Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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