cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
