we made out on top of his cat.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
