wake up i wanna do it froggy style
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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