Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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