And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
