pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
