wrigley field is MILF paradise
I look better un-naked...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
