when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
