He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
