laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
